we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
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