is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize
