Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
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