Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
I look excited, but its just a facade.
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