Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
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