i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
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