I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
