Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
Randomize
