If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Randomize
