i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
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