I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
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