I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
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