Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
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