I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Randomize
