Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
Randomize
