Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
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