dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
