I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
Randomize
