I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
There r osticjed everywhere
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
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