He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Randomize
