I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
Randomize
