operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
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