Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
