Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
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