I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
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