I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
Randomize
