I'm gonna have a badass scar
That's intense
OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
