apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
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