dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
Randomize
