You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
Omg I joined a choir last night...
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
Randomize
