youre lurking in front of me
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
Randomize
