Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
Randomize
