Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
Randomize
