He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
Randomize
