I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Randomize
