GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Randomize
