suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
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