Define "chronic" masturbator.
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
Randomize
