Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
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