I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
Randomize
