my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
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