apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
