im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
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