pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
Where are you?
In a non slutty way
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
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