@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
Randomize
