Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
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