All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Randomize
