mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
Randomize
