Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize
