She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
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