Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
